First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
