So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
