its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
