I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
