Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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