things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
