I heard we made out
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My ass is underappreciated
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
