i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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