The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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