guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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