hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
