We won't sleep together?
babies were throwing up all over the place
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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