Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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