I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Randomize
