evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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