someone threw a dead crab at me
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
