every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
