thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
