Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
