DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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