My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
