dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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