So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
