I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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