Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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