My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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