you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
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