Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
