Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
