The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Thank you for not boning my boss.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
