just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
