It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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