he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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