I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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