you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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