I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
