Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
