So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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