just tell him i said nine months
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
