I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
