I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
