i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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