I looked at my own cervix.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
