everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
