I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
