why didn't you poke me back
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
