Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
