After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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