worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
