he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
