I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
