You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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