She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
