Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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